Make It Count Monday: Step Two & Higher Power

Step Two: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 

Working this step causes difficulty for most people entering in to recovery programs. Having a belief in a Higher Power is generally thought to have religious connotations, which is a big "hell no" for those of us who had religion shoved down our throats by our families of origin. Who would want to revisit the teachings we had learned to run away from. 

In my experience, I thought that a Higher Power was critical, judgmental, harsh, and punishing. At least that's what I heard while I sat in the pews at my family's Baptist church. Granted, I didn't want to be there in the first place. Nor did anyone explain to me what was being said. I guess I was expected to just know what it all meant. Well, I didn't. 

I spent many years staying in this judgmental space about religion and spirituality, so when I entered the rooms of recovery, I walked back out. Yes, I walked out thinking that there was no way I was going to put myself in harms way. I didn't want to be judged. I wanted to be loved. 

I am grateful that I had a therapist that kept on me to give the meetings a chance. As I sat in the rooms, I begin to hear powerful stories about what a Higher Power meant for others. I began to develop a sense of what a Higher Power could mean to me. 

One of the most powerful statements that I have heard about a Higher Power, which I have adopted in my therapy practice as well as my recovery practice is, "A Higher Power is greater than you and your parents." I got that loud and clear!! It made sense. 

I was no longer afraid. As a result of not being afraid, I began to recognize that I wasn't my own Higher Power, either. Eureka! Thank goodness for sharing in meetings. 

Check out this quick video by Robert Burney. He talks about Higher Power in his recovery.

I love this quote: "If everything happens for a reason, I don't have the power to screw up the plan!" Brilliant.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts about a developing a relationship with a Higher Power.

Learn more about Higher Power with these articles:

"A Higher Power for Atheists and Agnostics" by Roger Bissell http://www.rogerbissell.com/id11mm.html

"Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" http://www.bahaistudies.net/asma/12and12.pdf

"Sober For Thirty Years" by Jim Burwell http://www.barefootsworld.net/aaburwell30.html

Sincerely,

Weekend Retreat

It's the weekend and I am ready for it. It's been a long and exhausting week, so I am grateful to put it behind me and move into the weekend! I have some awesome movie suggestions for you this week!


When a Man Loves a Woman(1994) brought us Meg Ryan, playing an alcoholic mother battling her addiction to alcohol and Andy Garcia, playing her co-dependent husband, trying to make his life, his children's lives, and his marriage all make sense.

It is difficult to be in a marriage or any relationship where addiction is present. It takes courage, strength, and hope, along with a loving Higher Power, to move through the grief and recovery.

Antwone Fisher(2002) is a powerful, heart-breaking film, that resonates so deeply with me. The anger that the main character, played by Derek Luke, holds deep within his being stalks him so deeply that he lashes out and harms himself and those around him. Good thing he has a good therapist, played by Denzel Washington. The power of healing is highlighted throughout this movie. You may also check out the book that inspired the film, Finding Fish. 

Whatever you do this weekend, stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely, 

Recovery Slogans

We have all probably heard a recovery slogan a time or two in the rooms of recovery. They are helpful tools when dealing with difficult situations. They are also helpful reminders to keep us grounded in the present; focused on ourselves; and connected to our Higher Power.

I wanted to provide a list of slogans that I found from several Twelve Step programs. These slogans can be applied to almost any problem or issue. Listen to the message.

Honesty gets us sober, tolerance keeps us sober. (Bill W.)

HALT - Don't get too:

• Hungry
• Angry
• Lonely
• Tired

No matter where you go...there you are.

Give us 90 days and if your life doesn't get better, we will gladly refund your misery.

One day at a time. 

Keep in the solution - NOT in the problem.

Some ways to say no:

• I have another commitment
• I do not choose to participate
• This is not acceptable to me
• NO, thank you

No is a complete sentence. (Alanon)

Excessive drinking is the symptom of a deeper trouble as coughing is a symptom of tuberculosis. (AA booklet)

Surrender means being willing to follow someone else's direction.

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

FEAR: Fuck Everything And Run.

FEAR: Face Everything And Recover.

FINE: Feelings Internalized Not Expressed.

Let go and let God

This too shall pass

Let it begin with me

Just for today

Easy Does It

First Things First

Live and let Live

Think......Think.......Think

One Day At a Time

But for the Grace of God

Principles before Personalities

Stay away from the first bet

Look for similarities rather than differences

A journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step

The elevator is broken-------use the 'steps'

This is a selfish program

When a person tries to control their addiction they have already lost control

I could go on for days. I hope you find one or more that are helpful for you today. Stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely, 

Wisdom Wednesday

"I live in the moment."-Anonymous

Before recovery, I could be found digging around in my past or the past of someone close to me. And if that wasn't a very successful experience I might hop in my time machine and set the destination to to the future. Isn't future tripping fun? Um....NOT!

Stay out of the past, unless you are looking for information that is helpful to your progress. As far as the future goes, it's WAY out of your control! Keep Out! 

You can plan or do the foot work for something you hope to happen in the future, but let go of the outcome. Your Higher Power will do the rest.

Focus on what you need to do in the "here and now". I hope God or Higher Power grants you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change and the courage to change the things you can. It's the only way I have found to be successful. 

Good luck!

Sincerely, 

Topic Tuesday: Spiritual Dilemma

I have done a lot of recovery readings over the last year and half since I enter the rooms. I often find it difficult to understand some of the material. One of the topics that was most puzzling to me was the concept of "spiritual dilemma".

I wasn't "spiritual" so how could I have a "dilemma"? Or was it, since I wasn't "spiritual" I must be in a "dilemma" because of the absence of spirituality? Geez! I was lost.

Twelve Step programs promote a belief in Higher Power and thus has a spiritual component. It has been said for decades in the rooms of recovery that one must believe in a power greater than oneself in order to recover. I was interested in recovering, but I wasn't so sure about the Higher Power as I talked about in an earlier blog post.

I continued to show up to the rooms and I began to learn why I was in a "spiritual dilemma". It was because I believed that everyone outside of myself was a power greater than myself and occasionally that I was greater than someone else. Control freak? Absolutely! Doormat? Most often!

My concepts didn't fit those of the program, thus the "dilemma".

In recovery, I have learned that I do not need to make another person my Higher Power. Nor do I need to become someone's Higher Power. I spend a lot of time communicating with my Higher Power. It's a rewarding experience to know that my Higher Power accepts me, flaws and all.

Are you in a spiritual dilemma? If so, how might you change your circumstances?

Sincerely,

Recovery Corner: Looking for Recovery Stories to Share!!

I am looking for individuals that would be open to sharing his/her story in the ABLE Life blog. I am creating a new post called: Recovery Corner. This will be an opportunity to share your experience, strength, and hope, as you know it, related to your own personal recovery.

The posts will be anonymous, but the stories will be all true. I am looking to run these stories the week of March 10th. 

Sharing my story in rooms of recovery was one of the most helpful tools I used during my early days. I still share my story as often as I can to those who are interested. I was able to get out of denial about my patterns and behaviors that were destructive and non-recovery related by taking a honest, open and nonjudgmental view. So grateful for all the opportunities to share.

The format I am looking to follow is similar to what you might experience during a First Step share at a meeting:

• What happened before recovery
• How you got to recovery
• What it's like now in recovery

Any length will do. I may have to separate longer stories into parts. I think this will be so helpful to those new and established in recovery. Please be mindful of explicit or graphic material. Stories will be edited. 

Email your submissions.

Thank you,

Step Two: The Facts

In January, we started the year off looking at Step One. We admitted we were powerless and that our lives were unmanageable and now Step Two has us coming to believe that a power greater than ourselves (I like to include 'and of our parents') could restore us to sanity.

I am all in for being restored to sanity! Step Two requires contemplation and gentleness with ourselves. It requires willingness to believe in something outside of ourselves. Haven't we been trying to manage our lives and ending up with all the unmanageable consequences? That's emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually draining. Maybe, just maybe, we can begin to believe.

In the rooms of recovery, it is often said, "I don't believe in God." Step Two doesn't require a belief in God. The Twelve Steps are not about religion. You get to choose your own idea of a higher power. But for now, we just need to believe there is something greater. In Step Three, we make a decision.

I reflect back on my study of Step Two in the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, and I wrote the following:

What does "came to believe" mean to me?
    "Came to believe" means having arrived at acceptance of my own powerlessness and unmanageability.

What does a "power greater than ourselves" mean to me?
     It means that as a unity, members of the recovery fellowships accept that a higher power, not another person or thing we try to control, is greater than us.

What does "restore us to sanity" mean to me?
    Higher Power brings us to serenity by accepting and loving us as we are, perfectly imperfect.

For today, what does "sanity" mean to me?
    Serenity. Peace. Calmness. Feeling all of my feelings.

How about you answer the questions for yourself?
1. What does "came to believe" mean to me?
2. What does a "power great than ourselves" mean to me?
3. What does "restore us to sanity" mean to me?
4. For today, what does "sanity" mean to me?

Stay true to your individual recovery. You can do it!

Sincerely,