Important Announcement

Hi everybody!

 It has been too long since I have written on this blog. I have had some life changes thrown at me that have completely distracted me. I hate when that happens, but there is always a silver lining.

During the hiatus, I had the opportunity to think about what I wanted to do with this blog. I questioned whether it was sustainable. I questioned whether or not you, the reader, were getting enough from me. The answers I came up with were: 1) Not sustainable with my busy schedule and 2) You deserve more from me. And I want to provide more.

I have been a part of Facebook recovery groups for a long time now, and I get a lot out of those communities. There is sharing of courage, strength, and hope;  tons of lively debate, and most importantly there is support. I took the opportunity to create a Facebook recovery group that I want to transition this blog over to. It is called ABLE Life Recovery. You can find it at www.facebook.com/groups/ableliferecovery

We have a new logo! Members already actively participating! and I get to chime in often because it's quick and easy! I hope that you will join me on ABLE Life Recovery.

Best wishes to you all.

Stay safe, sane, and sober!!

Sincerely,

D.J. Burr

Tools of Recovery Thursday

Today, I got the pleasure to help a sponsee create  a "recovery schedule/calendar". It is a calendar of your day to day activities like work/school, family time and all your recovery activities, too.

Early in recovery, you may need guidance and direction by those that have done it already. We aren't perfect, but maybe we know what it takes. Don't hesitate to ask for help. Waiting may cost you your job, family, or life.

I recommend having a recovery schedule for anyone that is struggling to obtain or maintain sobriety.

What's your calendar look like?

Stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely,

@A_B_L_E_Seattle
@DJBURR1022
www.ableseattle.com
www.facebook.com/ablecounseling

Wisdom Wednesday

"If you are hysterical, it's historical."--Unknown

I first heard this line from my sponsor, and it has resonated with me for the last couple of years. It's a powerful, yet simple statement. It provides a framework for our, sometimes immoderate and dramatic, viewpoints of the world. 

How many of us flare up at some off the wall comment that a coworker, spouse, or a friends says in passing? Do you know why? How many of us get bent out of shape while waiting for the light to turn green? Ever ask yourself what that means?

Take the time today to figure out what's underneath your hysterics and maybe talk with your sponsor, therapist, or close friend and ask them for help while you search the depths of your mind to explore the historical implications that influence your acting out. 

Stay safe, sane and sober!

Sincerely, 

@DJBURR1022

@A_B_L_E_Seattle

www.ableseattle.com

www.facebook.com/ablecounseling

Weekend Retreat: Speaker's Meeting

Have you ever attended a "Speaker's Meeting" or "First Step Share" at a Twelve Step meeting? If so, aren't they fabulous?!

If not and you are curious...check one out. There may be one this weekend. These types of meetings are often at the end of the month. They are platforms for a member, sometimes a couple, to speak about what it was like before recovery and what it's like now. 

I have attended a couple of the last few years, and I have even shared a couple of times. Each time it is a new, enlightening experience. I feel honored to witness authenticity at its purest form. I thoroughly appreciate the men and women that open up their souls and bear all. 

Afterwards, I always stick around for some type of fellowship with group members. We laugh, sometimes cry, but always support one another, which is the biggest blessing of the entire recovery process; being accepted for whom we are-whether we are currently struggling or strong in our individual recovery journey.

I am attending a share this weekend. I highly recommend you check one out. The special meetings are generally listed along with general meetings.

Stay safe, sane, and sober this weekend!

Sincerely,

@A_B_L_E_Seattle
@DJBURR1022
www.ableseattle.com

Outreach

Outreach

Outreaching to others in my recovery programs has been very helpful. I highly recommend that you pick up a copy of your meeting's phone list. If there isn't a phone list, maybe create one from the sign in sheet at your meeting. 

I am able to text or call a core group of people that I have met since beginning my recovery journey.

Most people are nervous about contacting others in the program. My advice is to call when you are in a good place, so you are comfortable with calling when things are going sideways. 

Here are some tips:

1. Call someone that you related to from a meeting
2. Ask if he/she is available to talk when you call
3. Be mindful of the time 
4. Be respectful 
5. Ask how he/she is holding up

I hope this helps you get connected to those in your program. 

Stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely, 

@A_B_L_E_Seattle

@DJBURR1022

www.ableseattle.com

www.facebook.com/ablecounseling

Step Three Prayer

I wanted to share a couple of Step Three prayers to you. These are from various Twelve Step Programs that I thought would be helpful as we close out March this week, which represents our Third Step.

CoDA Third Step Prayer:

In this moment, I can choose my own
Higher Power. I can set aside all the
old beliefs about who I am not and
be who I am—a child of God. I can
remind myself that a faith in a Higher
Power becomes a faith in me, and
that my recovery lies in being true to
myself and to my Higher Power
-CoDependents Anonymous, Tools for Recovery, CoDA Step Prayers

AA Third Step Prayer

God, I offer myself to Thee-

To build with me

and to do with me as Thou wilt.

Relieve me of the bondage of self,

that I may better do Thy will.

Take away my difficulties,

that victory over them may bear witness

to those I would help of Thy Power,

Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.

May I do Thy will always!

Page 63, AA Big Book © Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

God,

I offer my _________ (fill in the blank: food addiction, compulsive eating, fear, other character defect) to you to build with it and to do with it as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of _________(fill in the blank as before), that I may better do your will. Take away my ___________ (fill in the blank as before), that victory over it/them may bear witness to those I would help of your power, love and way of life.

May I do your will always.

What do you think? I like the third option. It's good to be able to "fill in" my own addiction. It helps me stay focused. I am going to try out this prayer for the next few days and see how I like it. 

I hope you have all had a lovely March. The weather has been pretty good here in the Seattle metro area. I am looking forward to more sun. :)

Stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely, 

www.ableseattle.com
@A_B_L_E_Seattle
www.facebook.com/ablecounseling

Step Three

We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him 
- A.A. Big Book p.63 

 I wanted to focus on Step Three in greater detail because it is very important Step in my opinion. Step Three calls for those of us in recovery  to: 

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God

This is one of the most challenging Steps. What does "Made a decision" mean in this Step?

I think we have to explore our histories a bit. In our "acting out" behaviors, we made a lot of decisions that may or may not been detrimental to ourselves, or another. We believed that we were in control when the time came to decide how we would "act out", whether it is with drugs, sex, porn, alcohol, or food. 

Most often, we were not in control. Our "addict" mind was in control. We didn't make a decision then, but we can now. Step Three allows for the opportunity to make a conscious decision "to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God" because we need to. Our addict had already been in control and screwed up our lives; what about a fresh start by believing our Higher Power or God could do something different?

The word “God” often throws people off from the Twelve Steps. Why is that? Some believe that “God” is focused on religion. Most of us have had negative experiences with religion. The Twelve Step philosophy isn’t religion; its spiritual. And the best part about Step Three is that you get understand “God” on your own terms!

Now, that’s a relief. I don’t have to believe what the right-winged have to say about God. I don’t have to believe what my family says about God. I don’t have to believe what society believes about God. I get to decide what God means to me. When it was thoroughly explained to me by those in the program, I rejoiced because I could stop living out other people’s stuff and focus on myself. I was grateful!

Step Three also requires us to let go of control. Many of us exert control in order to stay safe. 

“Let go and let God.”

What comes up for you around letting go of control? 

Stay safe, sane, and sober.

Sincerely,

www.ableseattle.com
www.facebook.com/ablecounseling
@A_B_L_E_Seattle
@DJBURR1022

Why You Should Take a Vacation...Now!

I am back from vacation, and I am here to tell you that You Should Take a Vacation…Now!                                                                                        It has been seven months since the last vacation (outside of Xmas) and I needed it! Life has a tendency to get a little hectic for most of us. In order to deal with all the work commitments; family commitments; relationship commitments, and life commitments, we need to make a commitment to ourselves every once in awhile!                                                                    

What I mean is, you deserve to be well. Find something fun to do. Invite some close, healthy friends with you. Hell, even include your spouse if you two are in a good space.

My husband and I just got back from Playa del Carmen, Mexico, and it was fun. I was able to work on a tan (not like I need one), wrote some amends letters and emailed them out, and made a couple outreach calls for support when I needed it.

We also went to explore a place called Xel-Ha, which is an outdoor aquarium of sorts. I snorkeled for the first time and even got in an inner tube and drifted down the “lazy river.” 

While away, I could feel that “my addict” was lurking around. I found myself triggered by all the beautiful people, but I stayed on my side of the street. No relapses and I am forever grateful.

Being in recovery and taking care of ourselves is essential. I hope that you can find the time and space in your life to take a break. You deserve it.

                                                                

Looking forward to more posts in the coming days! Be well and stay safe, sane, and sober!!

Sincerely, 

Taking a Break

Hi everyone! It is finally time to take a vacation. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing and sharing my thoughts with all of you. I need some time to reflect and get refreshed. It's all about self-care.

I look forward to coming back with all new content in a few weeks. Review the posts from the last two months. See what you can do to help yourself move forward in your personal recovery. I wish you all well.

Stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely,

Weekend Retreat

This weekend, I would recommend that you take a quick inventory of the current work that you are doing. It is important to always acknowledge your dedication to your personal recovery.

The weekends can be a time for fun, but also a time for reflection. I often give myself time to think about where I currently am in my process.

Am I on the path I outlined?
Am I listening to my Higher Power?
What is my next indicated step?
Do I have all the support that I need?
Do I know where to find the support that I need?
Am I doing the best that I can?

Most often my answer is 'Yes' to the above questions. Sometimes I have to reevaluate.  I wonder what your answers will be?

Spend the weekend enjoying what you have, but also looking at what else you might need.

Stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely,

Tools of Recovery: Recovery Communities

Good evening! Sorry for such a late post, but I just had a fantastic day with my recovery community. I thought I would share a bit.

I visited my buddy R.'s house for breakfast. He cooked a veggie stir fry with eggs and tofu. It was fantastic. Later we walked out on beach and talked about life, love, and recovery.

For lunch, I met up with my other buddy, P. and we basically talked about the same thing. Both conversations were equally important and seriously valuable. R & P are like my older brothers that I always wanted. I feel safe with these guys. I wasn't always able to say that about friends in my past life.

I have spent the last year and a half embracing these two relationships as the most vulnerable and authentic person I can be. I learn so much about myself since I met R & P.

A few hours later I had a recovery dinner with my sponsor, C., and my sponsee, D. We went to IHOP and shared tons of sweet, salty, and delicious foods. It was so much fun to have all of us under the same roof.

My sponsor and I have been working together a year and half. He's like a brother to me. I love him dearly. My sponsee, D., and I have known each other for several years. He and I have been working hard on his Steps. In a few weeks, he will be doing his 5th Step! Unfortunately, my other sponsee, S., was unavailable. I guess I will just have to plan another outing!

Building a healthy recovery community has been essential to maintaining my sobriety. I have a safe, secure, and loving family that is founded on recovery. I am grateful for them and for my husband and pets. Life in recovery just keeps getting better.

Who's in your recovery community?

Stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely,

Wisdom Wednesday

Today, I am willing....

• to trust in the process.
• to trust in myself. 
• to state my intentions.
• to take care of myself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 
• to embrace the love the surrounds me. 
• to know my limitations.
• to be compassionate and loving to myself and others. 

Are you willing?

Stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely, 

Topic Tuesday: Co-Addiction

Co-Addiction

You may have heard that you or someone you know is "co-addicted" to someone else. Co-addiction is synonymous with codependence. Co-addicts attempts to control, manipulate, manage, or stop an addict's behavior. 

As you probably have found out....you can't control another person. We try though. And why do we try so hard? 

Because we learned that we had to control others to protect ourselves. Most of us have been engaging in co-addicted patterns since we were kids. It was the only way we could survive. Surviving is not living, in my opinion. Do you want to live?

If so, be mindful of these co-addicted patterns and characteristics and get help if they are plaguing your life:

1. Try to control another person's thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. 
2. Attempt to manipulate outcomes in order to feel safe.
3. Change your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs to benefit another person or persons.
4. Lie to look good. 
5. Deny your true feelings. 
6. Avoid setting healthy boundaries out of fear of rejection
7. Compromise your values and beliefs
8. Engage in self-harming behaviors to get attention 

These are just a couple that came to mind. There are resources for those of us that have a history of being in co-addicted or codependent relationships. Don't stay addicted to another person's addictive behaviors. 

Check out the fellowships of 

Co-Dependents Anonymous 

Al-Anon

CoSA

ACA

Families Anonymous 

Gam-Anon

The list is expansive. Get the help that you need to break the cycle. 

Till tomorrow...stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely, 

Make It Count Monday: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

Step Two:Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

The Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Higher Power works in mysterious ways and I cannot know all the ways that my Higher Power is working in my life. I do try to take note of the instances that stand out to me and today I got all the messages!

I have been faced with difficult decisions at work. I have struggled. I have lost sleep. I have wrung my hands. But ultimately, I knew that my Higher Power or "HP" would show me the way. I often got in my HP's way while trying to deal with work stress.

I tried to manage, control, and avoid multiple times over. Nothing was working. I felt insane. I prayed for guidance every night. This morning my prayers were answered.

I woke up from a nightmare that was chilling. I was pissed. I already had to get up at 4:30am to get to my 12 Step Meeting by 6pm, so any amount of lost sleep was precious. I couldn't rest after the dreaded nightmare. I got up and contemplated my next move.

Upon arriving at my 12 Step Meeting, I made a decision to stop suffering. I asked for some sign that I was making the right choice. I got out of my car, just like I do every Monday morning, and headed into my meeting. Suddenly, I got this sense to turn around. I did and my eyes couldn't believe what they saw. All the lights on my car were lit up including headlights and break lights.

WTF! I knew it wasn't; it was my Higher Power. My headlights only are operable if the knob is turned on from inside the car. I knew then that my HP was communicating with me. My HP supported my decision.

After sitting anxiously in my meeting, I went to work.  I went in to my office, fired up my laptop and called my best friend. As I was sitting on the phone talking to him I looked at my email and saw Today's Gift from Hazelden. It started with "Our Higher Power is in charge."

I immediately stopped doubting myself. I saw all the signs. I needed to stop and remember Step Two. I have believed in a Higher Power since entering recovery a year and a half ago. I worked Step Two over a year ago. Why was I having a hard time accepting? It's because I am human and I often want to believe I am in control.

With the help of Step Two and the Serenity Prayer, which I recited several times today, I have been able to take care of myself today by addressing my work issues. It was flipping hard work, but I pushed through and accomplished something that I knew I needed to do, but tried my damnedest to avoid.

I am not in control. Higher Power is.

I made my Monday count. How about you?

Sincerely,

Weekend Retreat

Hi everyone! How was your week? I hope it went well.

I am sitting here thinking about what I want to do for this weekend and all I can think of is....NOTHING. Life has been super busy and sometimes I just want to take a break. While I am taking a much needed day off I will be spending time with my family, including my pets.

Enjoying the simple pleasures that life has helps me stay focused on sobriety. When I was acting out in my addictions I would often run away from the "simple" things because they weren't exciting enough.

So glad that I am in recovery. Sitting in front of me are several books that I could read or movies that I could watch. I think I will share my list. Maybe one of the books or movies will be something you might be interested in.

On my living room table I have:

The Migraine Brain by Carolyn Bernstein, M.D.----I hate migraines but I am trying to learn more about them. Part of my "get to know my body" routine.

Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.----educational and helpful in understanding my own issues.

The Intimacy Factor by Pia Mellody---Always a good read.

Create Your Writer Platform by Chuck Sambuchino----I am learning to create a writer platform so that I can build my audience and hopefully find success as an author.

Types of Therapy

Welcome to Thursday, everyone! This week I have some handy tool suggestions that can assist you on your recovery journey. The topics below are all about therapy! Different types of therapy that I think are helpful because I use them all.

Individual Therapy
     As a therapist, I often get to see people dramatically change their lives after deciding to seek individual therapy for their fears, anxieties, depression, relationship struggles, and addictions. I specialize in working with folks that engage in addictive behaviors such as codependence and sex and love addiction.

     In therapy, you get to share inner and outer struggles with a trusted provider that is trained to be nonjudgmental, affirming, and encouraging. Once you feel safe in the environment, you can be propelled to explore all the pains and struggles you have had in your life. You can even share all the important accomplishments. Most importantly, you are safe and secure. You can get feedback, direction, and suggestions about next steps. I would highly recommend finding a therapist that has awareness of the Twelve Steps and recovery.

Couple Therapy
     Having issues with your partner or spouse? Bring them to couple therapy, if he/she is willing. Couple therapy isn't very successful unless both participants are ready to engage. If both are ready, find a therapist that is skilled in working with couples. If your relationship has a unique dynamic, such as polyamory, find a therapist that is knowledgeable about the poly community.

     Couples need a safe place to resolve their issues. I work with several couples and its some of the most rewarding work I have done. I highly recommend that you check in with your partner about starting couple counseling. Topics that are great for couple counseling include but are not limited to: financial difficulties, infidelity, communication breakdown, trust building, parenting, and much more.

Group Therapy
     Group therapy is fun, fun, fun! I wish I had more groups in my practice. Group therapy allows you to be connected with other individuals with similar struggles. There is usually a group facilitator, who is most often a therapist, that leads the group discussion and provides assignments. Most groups meet weekly or biweekly. The average group lasts about six to twelve weeks. If you are looking for an intensive group experience you may find that they are longer in duration and the length of treatment may be several months.

Cinema Therapy
     I use cinema therapy in my practice. The basics around this idea is that we can use movies and TV to connect to characters that may be experiencing similar issues that we may be experiencing in our real life. I have always been a movie and TV fan, so it was exciting to see literature on cinema therapy. I once ran a cinema therapy group at a mental health clinic and the group members showed up every week to see a new movie or show with a new theme. We then discussed the significance of the movie, its characters, and plot. I believe that cinema therapy promotes healing and growth.

     It is refreshing to watch an old movie and see it in a new light. Look for the themes. Identify with the characters. You may learn more about yourself. Check out http://www.cinematherapy.com/


Float Therapy
     This is by far the coolest type of therapy tool that I can suggest. Float therapy is done in a isolation tank or desentization tank. You are given a set time frame, usually 60 min, and then you get into this tank. Inside the tank there is no light and usually no sound. There is water that contains Epson salt. The Epson salt creates buoyancy. You will be floating on top of the water.

     It has been said that one hour of float therapy equals four hours of sleep! It's a relaxation tool that works. I go a few times a month when feeling stressed or overwhelmed. After an hour in the tank, I am often rejuvenated and ready to conquer the world. Take a friend with you so he/she can have a similar experience while you are in your tank. Then you will have something fun to discuss afterwards.

Well, I am off. I hope these tools are helpful for you. Ask questions if you have them. I will respond as I can.

Stay safe, sane, and sober! Enjoy your weekend.

Sincerely,

Wisdom Wednesday

"I am ABLE to set boundaries and enforce them."--ABLE Affirmations

Boundaries are the theme this week! They are one of the essential elements to staying sober in recovery. I wrote yesterday about boundaries and the benefits of setting boundaries. Have you been able to set any??

Stay safe, sane, and sober today. 

Sincerely, 

Topic Tuesday: Boundaries

Boundaries are my favorite topic!! I learned boundaries early on in my recovery journey. My sponsor taught me many great tools for setting boundaries.

Boundaries can be internal and external. Internal boundaries are your personal thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

External boundaries can include the space in which you presently are; the guidelines in which you establish to be in a relationship with another person; or the limitations in which you keep to protect yourself from engaging in acting out behaviors.

To appropriately set boundaries, I think you must know some key elements:

1. What are your needs and wants?
2. What feels comfortable? Uncomfortable?
3. Where do I end and the other person start?
4. How much am I willing to sacrifice?
5. Is this about me or about them?

These are just the basics. Boundaries allow you to be know; others to know you; others to be known; compromise or negotiation. When boundaries don't exist, we can get ourselves in to deep trouble. Watch out for these unhealthy boundaries:

10 Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

1.      Providing intimate details about your life to someone that you do not know.

2.      Touching someone without permission.

3.      Allowing others to touch you without giving permission.

4.      Going against personal values to please others.

5.      Believing others can anticipate your needs.

6.      Manipulating someone for your benefit.

7.      Letting others define your reality.

8.      Letting others direct your life.

9.      Staying in an unhealthy environment too long.

10.   Using sex to gain approval and acceptance. 

Here is an example of a boundary one might have to set within recovery.  You may know someone that is new to recovery. This person doesn't have a clear idea of what's appropriate communication. You often hear this person over-share and provide intimate details that are triggering for you. The over-sharing brings up your own personal feelings of guilt and shame. You feel annoyed that this person just doesn't get it. 

Well, to establish a boundary you need to get clear about your feelings. You are feeling annoyed and maybe frustrated at this person's lack of skills in the appropriate communication department. My recommendation would be to approach the person, ask if he/she is available to chat for a bit. Then you might say, "______, I feel agitated and angry when you talk about explicit details. I don't want to feel that way. I wonder if you might consider leaving out those triggering details. It would make me feel more comfortable and I think you and I would be able to chat more freely, about recovery, without all the detail. Is that something you can do?"

You can't make a person change, but you can request a change in the behavior that is triggering for you. If for some reason you don't get a helpful, compassionate, and understanding response--you have to focus on the internal boudaries. That might look like you simply stating, "I feel agitated when you talk about ____, and since you can't agree to tailor our discussions, I can't be around you." END OF DISCUSSION!

You have the right to be respected. I hope you all know that. 

Try to set some boundaries this week. I would love to hear your success stories. 

That's all for now. Stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely, 

Make It Count Monday: Step Two & Sanity

Good evening, everyone! It's Monday! Did you make it count? We are still focusing on Step Two for the month of February, which reads: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Last week, we talked about developing a relationship with a Higher Power. 

I thought we would focus on the concept of "sanity." 

To me, it means:

1. Having a peace of mind
2. Believing in the process of life
3. Being out of active addiction
4. Believing in myself
5. Understanding that I am not in control
6. Understanding that I don't have to be controlled. 

Working Step Two allowed me to see my side of the street and also Higher Power's side of the street. I can only control my part of the problems that life brings. It's a process, not an event. 

What does "sanity" mean to you?

Have a fantastic week. Stay safe, sane, and sober.

Sincerely, 

Weekend Retreat

Hope you all had a nice Valentine's Day. I have come to learn that Valentine's Day isn't just for couples. It can be an important day for anyone. For me, it's important to love yourself and others daily, but society marks Valentine's Day as a special day. I hope you created one for yourself with loads of self-care!

This weekend, take a look at these activities dedicated to focusing on your recovery. First up is Breaking Free: A Recovery Workbook for Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody. You all know that Pia is my favorite author for everything codependence. She spent a lot of time researching the disease of codependence and talks in detail about her own experiences with the life altering condition. In her workbook, she uses the Twelve Step model to illustrate the recovery process. 

I have used this resource for the last year in my therapy practice to assist over a dozen people in their recovery from codependence. I love this book so much! It's a step by step process that is easy to comprehend. You can work with a group of recovering person or use it in conjunction with your therapy. The one thing that I can say that will help you the most while working in this book is, be gentle with yourself! This process is long and arduous, but worth it, because you are worth it. 

12 Step Prayers

The week is almost over! I wanted my followers with some helpful 12 Step Prayers. I have found these to be necessary in my time of recovery.

STEP 1 PRAYER

Dear Lord,
I admit that I am powerless over my addiction.
I admit that my life is unmanageable when I try to control it.
Help me this day to understand
The true meaning of powerlessness.
Remove from me all denial of my addiction.

STEP 2 PRAYER

Heavenly Father,
I know in my heart that only you can restore me to sanity.
I humbly ask that you remove all twisted thought &
Addictive behavior from me this day.
Heal my spirit & restore in me a clear mind.

STEP 3 PRAYER

God,
I offer myself to Thee
To build with me & to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
That victory over them may bear witness
To those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy love & Thy way of life,
May I do Thy will always!

STEP 4 PRAYER

Dear God,
It is I who has made my life a mess.
I have done it, but I cannot undo it.
My mistakes are mine &
I will begin a searching & fearless moral inventory.
I will write down my wrongs
But I will also include that which is good.
I pray for the strength to complete the task.

STEP 5 PRAYER

Higher Power,
My inventory has shown me who I am,
Yet I ask for Your help
In admitting my wrongs to another person & to You.
Assure me, & be with me, in this Step,
For without this Step I cannot progress in my recovery.
With Your help, I can do this, & I do it.

STEP 6 PRAYER

Dear God,
I am ready for Your help
In removing from me the defects of character
Which I now realize are an obstacle to my recovery.
Help me to continue being honest with myself &
Guide me toward spiritual & mental health.

STEP 7 PRAYER

My Creator,
I am now willing that you should have all of me, good & bad.
I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character
Which stands in the way of my usefulness to you & my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do your bidding.

STEP 8 PRAYER

Higher Power,
I ask Your help in making my list of all those I have harmed.
I will take responsibility for my mistakes &
Be forgiving to others as You are forgiving to me.
Grant me the willingness to begin my restitution.
This I pray.

STEP 9 PRAYER

Higher Power,
I pray for the right attitude to make my amends,
Being ever mindful not to harm others in the process.
I ask for Your guidance in making indirect amends.
Most important, I will continue to make amends
By staying abstinent, helping others &
Growing in spiritual progress.

STEP 10 PRAYER

I pray I may continue:
To grow in understanding & effectiveness;
To take daily spot check inventories of myself;
To correct mistakes when I make them;
To take responsibility for my actions;
To be ever aware of my negative &
Self-defeating attitudes & behaviors;
To keep my willfulness in check;
To always remember I need Your help;
To keep love & tolerance of others as my code; &
To continue in daily prayer how I can best serve You,
My Higher Power.

STEP 11 PRAYER

Higher Power, as I understand You,
I pray to keep my connection with You
Open & clear from the confusion of daily life.
Through my prayers & meditation I ask especially for
Freedom from self-will, rationalization, & wishful thinking.
I pray for the guidance of correct thought & positive action.
Your will Higher Power, not mine, be done.

STEP 12 PRAYER

Dear God,
My spiritual awakening continues to unfold.
The help I have received I shall pass on & give to others,
Both in & out of the Fellowship.
For this opportunity I am grateful.
I pray most humbly to continue walking day by day
On the road of spiritual progress.
I pray for the inner strength & wisdom
To practice the principles of this way of life in all I do & say.
I need You, my friends, & the program every hour of every day.
This is a better way to live.

I hope these prayers help you in your journey! Stay safe, sane, and sober. 

Sincerely, 

Wisdom Wednesday

"I treat myself with kindness."-Unknown

Treating yourself with kindness is essential for everyday healthy living. I will admit that it's not the easiest thing to do. Often times, people get stuck behind walls of fear, anger, pain, and sadness and as a result, the internal dialogue may become quite toxic. 

Be gentle with yourself. Show yourself how valuable, lovable, and worthwhile you are. That could include having a spa day; calling up a friend for support; seeing a favorite movie; or getting an extra 10 minutes of sleep in the morning. 

Treat yourself with kindness today. You deserve it. 

Sincerely, 

Topic Tuesday: The Love Avoidant

I often talk to clients and those in recovery about love addiction, but rarely do I have the experience of discussing the ins and outs of "the love avoidant" which can play a significant role in love addiction.

A person who is a love avoidant typically enters relationships to take on the "caretaker" role. This person is fueled with compulsive desires to engulf the relationship with his/her caretaking abilities. It's nice to have a partner that is invested in taking care of you, but when the caretaker becomes resentful for the amount of work he/she is doing, that's when the problems begin to emerge.

The love avoidant will begin to hide behind walls and essentially distances him/herself from the relationship. The resentment is so strong that if he/she stayed connected it would only cause additional tension and chaos.

The typical cycle of the love avoidant looks like this:

1. Love Avoidant gets involved in a relationship, which may or may not be what he/she wants. There is a caretaker value system that is ingrained in the love avoidant, so if he/she says "No" to entering the relationship he/she will feel guilty. So he/she enters to avoid guilt feelings. 
2. Love Avoidant begins to hide behind walls of seduction to prevent the partner, usually the love addict, from noticing the wall is more like seclusion. Being in the relationship makes the love avoidant feel controlled and suffocated. 
3. Love Avoidant becomes overwhelmed with the suffocated feelings and begins to build resentment toward the partner. 
4. Love Avoidant distances him/herself from the relationship and most often takes a "victim" stance. 
5. Love Avoidant looks outside of him/herself to feel more alive and gets involved in intense processes. 
6. Love Avoidant may begin to feel guilty for being distanced from his/her partner so the cycle either restarts or the love avoidant gets a new partner for a fresh start of the addictive process. 

Sound exhausting? It is for both the love avoidant and the love addict. These two most often have significant trauma histories that developed these blueprints for behaving. 

Questions to Consider

1. Have you thought about your relationship in this way?

2. If this is your situation, what will you do next?

3. How can your recovery support be helpful to you now?

Check out Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody for more info on love addiction and love avoidance. 

Take care everyone. Stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely,