Step One: The Core Symptoms of Codependence

It is my belief that all addictions are rooted in codependence. Codependence has been referred to as " disease of immaturity" and what this means is that individuals have emotionally stunted due to issues in childhood. Those issues in childhood could be a number of things including, but not limited to: 

1. Abuse and/or neglect 

2. Parental addiction 

3. Parental mental illness 
   
   

Basically, anything that might have prevented parents from showing a child the nurture that he/she deserved. As a result of not receiving the nurture, five core symptoms develop: 

1. Difficulty experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem 

2. Difficulty setting functional boundaries 

3. Difficulty owning own reality 

4. Difficulty acknowledging and meeting own needs and wants 

5. Difficulty experiencing and expressing reality moderately.   

Addicted individuals who experience any of the five core symptoms of codependence seek out substances or processes to numb these symptoms. 

For example, Jenny grew up in an abusive home. Her father was an alcoholic and her mother was mentally ill. Jenny's father worked and required Jenny to stay home from school to care for her mother two to three times per week. Whenever Jenny would return to her high school, kids would make fun of her because they knew her mom was in and out of hospitals, and Jenny couldn't deal with the pain. Jenny came home from school one afternoon and took a bottle of Gin out of the cupboard and began to drink. Jenny's self-esteem was non-existent. She wasn't able to develop a sense of who she was because neither parent was available to tell her. She needed comfort, love, and security, but she had to settle for responsibility, obligation, pain, anger, and shame. Jenny began to drink every day, even those days she didn't get to go into school. Her father noticed his alcohol was missing, but was often too drunk to even speak coherently. Jenny just isolated herself in her room and began compulsively drinking and eating to number her feelings of inferiority, guilt, and shame. 15 years later, Jenny  is single, still cares for her mother and is over 400lbs. She stopped drinking 10 years ago, but was unable to manage her food consumption. Jenny wonders if Overeaters Anonymous would work for her, but is too ashamed.  

Jenny is codependent, alcoholic, and an overeater. My recommendation, get to a Codependents Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous meeting. The pain and shame of growing up in Jenny's family of origin has kept her emotionally immature. One wrong thing or perceived injustice, and Jenny acts out in her addictions.  

This is what the five core symptoms look like in action. 

Questions to Consider 

1. How was I treated as a child? 
2. Did I feel valued? 
3. How were my imperfections used against me?  
4. How might my addictions be related to my childhood?