Step One: The Power of Attending Meetings & Prayer

Battling addictions can be an exhaustive process that can leave you feeling hopeless and scared. The power of the programs of Alcoholics Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, etc., provides hope and encouragement.  

Attending meetings may be scary at first, but once you sit down and listen to others share their courage, strength, and hope, you will come to see that you are not alone. Recovery doesn't have to be an isolative process.  

Opening up about your experience brings a sense of belonging among group members. Often times, group members meet afterwards for Fellowship at a local coffee shop or diner. Here, you can talk about who you are, where you're from, where you want to go, anything! Building connections with others opens new, healthier avenues. You will learn what it means to be a part of a community that is loving and forgiving. That's something that addicts don't always know is available.  

You may also find solace in prayer. Some may believe that "God" or "Higher Power" doesn't really exist or want to help, but that's the addict controlling the situation. You get to decide what type of relationship you have with a power greater than yourself. Till then, look to the Serenity Prayer or First Step Prayer for guidance.  

Serenity Prayer

God (Higher Power), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.  

First Step Prayer 

Today, I ask for help with my addiction. Denial has kept me from seeing how powerless I am and how my life is  unmanageable. I need to learn and remember that I have an incurable illness and that abstinence is the only way to deal with it. 

Sincerely, 

Step One: Powerless & Unmanageability

Admitting powerlessness is absolutely essential to breaking the addiction cycle, which is made up of five points:

1. Pain
2. Reaching out to an addictive agent, such as work, food, sex, alcohol, or dependent relationships to salve our pain
3. Temporary anesthesia
4. Negative consequences
5. Shame and guilt, which result in more pain or low self-esteem

For example, the workaholic who has low self-esteem (pain) begins to overwork (addictive agent), which results in praise, success, and achievement (relief). However, as a rule, family relationships and his personal relationship with God suffer terribly because of preoccupation with work (negative consequences). The result is an even greater sense of shame and guilt because of inadequacies, both real and imagined, which brings him back to point 1 in the addiction cycle. Now the workaholic feels compelled to work even harder to overcome his guilt. 

Understanding the addiction cycle is important because it helps explain why for both the Oxford Group and for Bill Wilson, the admission of powerlessness is the first step to recovery. Otherwise, we remain caught. If we rely on willpower alone, then the only thing we know to do is to escalate our addiction to get out of the pain. Step 1 calls us to do less - to yield, to surrender, to let go. - Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 22-23.

Unmanageability looks different for each person. Life became unmanageable for me when I:

1. would abandon my job and pursue my addiction at all times of day and night.
2. hooked up with other people, leaving my husband at home wondering where I was and if I were safe.
3. couldn't make a decision that wasn't tied to whether or not I would get sex, attention, or "love" from someone else.
4. had unprotected sex because I stopped caring about whether I lived or died.

Unmanageability can take people to the extremes. I have worked with people that stopped eating because they believed themselves to be fat and thought starvation was their only option; people that had non stop sexual encounters till their bodies gave out, because they felt like crap and just wanted to feel wanted; and some even drank themselves into a black out, hoping to never wake up to deal with the consequences of their actions. Scary stuff!

The 12 Steps and all the anonymous programs are beneficial to breaking the addictive cycle and regaining manageability in people's lives.

Questions to Consider
1. How would you summarize the powerlessness and unmanageability of your life in the face of your addiction?
2. Describe any irrational or crazy set of events that have happened since you began you addictive behavior. Did you rationalize this behavior? If so, in what way?
3. Describe attempts that you have made in the past to control your addictive behaviors.How successful have they been? Do these attempts show the powerlessness that you have over your addictive behaviors?

Tool: Meetings

I always hesitated when it came to attending 12 Step meetings. I was afraid of being judged, laughed at, or shamed because I couldn't figure my life out. I made up in my mind that going to a meeting was a scary endeavor. Boy, was I wrong!

Anonymous group meetings have been happening for over 70 years. That's a lot of meetings. I am grateful for the opportunity to attend meetings today. New comers and old-timers alike will all have varying experiences when it comes to attending a meeting. 

There are so many options to choose from. You may attend an all men or all women group. You can attend groups focused on studying the Big Book of their respective fellowship. There are even groups for those of us that identify as gay, lesbian, etc. Some meetings are "Open", which means that anyone can attend. "Closed" meetings imply that the people attended need to identify as needing the meeting. Outside observers are asked to only attend "Open" meetings. 

A meeting exists if you want it. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be face to face. Over the last few years, meetings online have cropped up. Some fellowships even offer Skype meetings. I once attended a phone meeting. It was set up exactly like a face to face meeting. 

The traditional meeting format may look similar to this outline:

1. Welcome by meeting leader
2. Everyone that wants to introduces themselves...."Hi, I'm____ and I am a_____."
3. Literature of the program is read
4. Meeting open for sharing 
5. Close with the Serenity Prayer
6. Fellowship (gathering of members outside of the meeting to chat, have tea, etc.)

I ran a meeting for 8 months for the fellowship of Co-Dependents Anonymous. It was an amazing experience. Being in a meeting allows me the freedom to speak my truth without judgment, shame, or harm. I have always felt safe in a meeting. 

If you are ready to attend a meeting but are fearful about what the experience may look like, I would recommend finding an "Open" meeting, which means anyone can attend. Ask a friend or support person to go with you. He or she doesn't have to participate, but you can have someone in the room that you know and can feel comfortable with. Be patient with yourself. You will know when you are ready. 

Here are some links to 12 Step fellowships: AA, NA, SLAA, CoDA, GA

Sincerely, 

Topic Tuesday: The 12 Steps of Recovery

The 12 Steps are the foundation of all anonymous programs. As summarized by the American Psychological Association, the process involves the following:

* admitting that one cannot control one’s addiction or compulsion;
* recognizing a higher power that can give strength;
* examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member);
* making amends for these errors;
* learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior;
* helping others that suffer from the same addictions or compulsions

The Steps were pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous in 1935 and adopted by other fellowships including Codependents Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, and Gamblers Anonymous.

Click the links for more information.

* Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.
* Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
* Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
* Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
* Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
* Step 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
* Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
* Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
* Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
* Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
* Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I have been working the steps for some time now and I have to say that I do not believe I would be sober from my addictions without the program. The 12 Steps have provided guidance, support, and structure. It has been a worthwhile process to learn about the benefits of a spiritual program. I have developed a relationship with a power greater than myself and I feel safe.

I hope that you will take a look at The 12 Steps and find the courage, strength, and hope that I found by working the steps. Good luck. “It works if you work it.”

Sincerely,

Step One: The Facts

Step One: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction-that our lives had become unmanageable.

In the rooms of recovery, I have often heard "The Steps are the Steps" meaning that The 12 Steps, pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous, can be applied to any addictive process that one may be experiencing difficulty over.

Step One is our gateway to freedom. In this step, we have come to the conclusion that whatever our addiction is (alcohol, sex, drugs, relationships, shopping, masturbation, etc) we no longer have the ability to control ourselves. The substance or process has control over us. As a result of that control, our lives have spun out and are no longer manageable.

For today, ask yourself about your own addictive process.

1. What substances and/or processes do I feel no control over?
2. What consequences have I suffered?
3. Am I ready to admit that my life has become unmanageable?

Sincerely,