Step Two: The Facts

In January, we started the year off looking at Step One. We admitted we were powerless and that our lives were unmanageable and now Step Two has us coming to believe that a power greater than ourselves (I like to include 'and of our parents') could restore us to sanity.

I am all in for being restored to sanity! Step Two requires contemplation and gentleness with ourselves. It requires willingness to believe in something outside of ourselves. Haven't we been trying to manage our lives and ending up with all the unmanageable consequences? That's emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually draining. Maybe, just maybe, we can begin to believe.

In the rooms of recovery, it is often said, "I don't believe in God." Step Two doesn't require a belief in God. The Twelve Steps are not about religion. You get to choose your own idea of a higher power. But for now, we just need to believe there is something greater. In Step Three, we make a decision.

I reflect back on my study of Step Two in the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, and I wrote the following:

What does "came to believe" mean to me?
    "Came to believe" means having arrived at acceptance of my own powerlessness and unmanageability.

What does a "power greater than ourselves" mean to me?
     It means that as a unity, members of the recovery fellowships accept that a higher power, not another person or thing we try to control, is greater than us.

What does "restore us to sanity" mean to me?
    Higher Power brings us to serenity by accepting and loving us as we are, perfectly imperfect.

For today, what does "sanity" mean to me?
    Serenity. Peace. Calmness. Feeling all of my feelings.

How about you answer the questions for yourself?
1. What does "came to believe" mean to me?
2. What does a "power great than ourselves" mean to me?
3. What does "restore us to sanity" mean to me?
4. For today, what does "sanity" mean to me?

Stay true to your individual recovery. You can do it!

Sincerely,

Tool: Higher Power

I searched online to get a sense of what the Internet has on "Higher Power" and I found a Wikipedia article that says, "In current twelve-step program usage a higher power can be anything at all that the member believes is adequate. Reported examples include their twelve-step group, Nature, consciousness, existential freedom, God, science, Buddha. It is frequently stipulated that as long as a higher power is "greater" than the individual, then the only condition is that it should also be loving and caring."

A belief in a power greater than ourselves is fundamental in 12 Step recovery. It is also one of the most controversial topics for new members. In my experience, new comers are weary of the concept of a "Higher Power" because their first belief stems from their own beliefs about religion. Some believe that "Higher Power" is a religious concept, but in fact it is a spiritual concept. Having a belief in a "Higher Power" is not a belief in a religion. 

When joining the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous, I believed that I couldn't get anything from the program because it required that I buy into Step Three:

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God."

At the time, I didn't understand God! In fact, I grew up angry with God because of all the chaos that ensued my childhood. I didn't believe any God would love me, so why would I believe the program would accept me. My view of spirituality, God, and a loving Higher Power was skewed. It took attending meetings and meeting with a sponsor to get clarity.

I learned that Higher Power or God was not my parent's or family's view of God, but my own. I could envision a loving, caring, protective Higher Power as the one that I would turn my will and life over to. This was not easy by any means. I struggled for many months. My sponsor encouraged me to be open minded. I didn't need rush my process. I needed to accept that in order to receive all the benefits of the program, I had to believe in something greater than myself and of my family.

I started to believe that I obviously couldn't be my own Higher Power. I had thought I ran the show of my life but consequentially my life was unmanageable and I was powerless of my addiction. I didn't believe that my family's God was loving or forgiving so I stayed far away from their ideal. If all else had failed, why not try something new---so I did.

Like the Wikipedia article referenced, a "Higher Power" can be nature, a 12 Step group, or science! I connected with animals. I have always been intrigued by the power of the white tiger. Since I was a kid, I have seen all tigers as majestic, loving beings. And they are greater than myself. I have seen tigers love and protect their young on documentaries and visits to the zoo. I figured---why not believe that Higher Power has been present in my life in the form of tigers--my most beloved animal in the entire world.

The one thing that I want you to clearly get is this: a loving and caring Higher Power has to be greater than yourself and of your parents. Your parents may tried to play the role of your Higher Power--leading you to believe they were all knowing and infallible, but that's just not true. They are just like you: perfectly imperfect and that's okay. Find something you can connect with and believe in the process of recovery.

Learn more about Higher Power with these articles:

"A Higher Power for Atheists and Agnostics" by Roger Bissell http://www.rogerbissell.com/id11mm.html

"Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" http://www.bahaistudies.net/asma/12and12.pdf

"Sober For Thirty Years" by Jim Burwell http://www.barefootsworld.net/aaburwell30.html

Sincerely,

Tool: Meetings

I always hesitated when it came to attending 12 Step meetings. I was afraid of being judged, laughed at, or shamed because I couldn't figure my life out. I made up in my mind that going to a meeting was a scary endeavor. Boy, was I wrong!

Anonymous group meetings have been happening for over 70 years. That's a lot of meetings. I am grateful for the opportunity to attend meetings today. New comers and old-timers alike will all have varying experiences when it comes to attending a meeting. 

There are so many options to choose from. You may attend an all men or all women group. You can attend groups focused on studying the Big Book of their respective fellowship. There are even groups for those of us that identify as gay, lesbian, etc. Some meetings are "Open", which means that anyone can attend. "Closed" meetings imply that the people attended need to identify as needing the meeting. Outside observers are asked to only attend "Open" meetings. 

A meeting exists if you want it. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be face to face. Over the last few years, meetings online have cropped up. Some fellowships even offer Skype meetings. I once attended a phone meeting. It was set up exactly like a face to face meeting. 

The traditional meeting format may look similar to this outline:

1. Welcome by meeting leader
2. Everyone that wants to introduces themselves...."Hi, I'm____ and I am a_____."
3. Literature of the program is read
4. Meeting open for sharing 
5. Close with the Serenity Prayer
6. Fellowship (gathering of members outside of the meeting to chat, have tea, etc.)

I ran a meeting for 8 months for the fellowship of Co-Dependents Anonymous. It was an amazing experience. Being in a meeting allows me the freedom to speak my truth without judgment, shame, or harm. I have always felt safe in a meeting. 

If you are ready to attend a meeting but are fearful about what the experience may look like, I would recommend finding an "Open" meeting, which means anyone can attend. Ask a friend or support person to go with you. He or she doesn't have to participate, but you can have someone in the room that you know and can feel comfortable with. Be patient with yourself. You will know when you are ready. 

Here are some links to 12 Step fellowships: AA, NA, SLAA, CoDA, GA

Sincerely,