Weekend Retreat

Hope you all had a nice Valentine's Day. I have come to learn that Valentine's Day isn't just for couples. It can be an important day for anyone. For me, it's important to love yourself and others daily, but society marks Valentine's Day as a special day. I hope you created one for yourself with loads of self-care!

This weekend, take a look at these activities dedicated to focusing on your recovery. First up is Breaking Free: A Recovery Workbook for Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody. You all know that Pia is my favorite author for everything codependence. She spent a lot of time researching the disease of codependence and talks in detail about her own experiences with the life altering condition. In her workbook, she uses the Twelve Step model to illustrate the recovery process. 

I have used this resource for the last year in my therapy practice to assist over a dozen people in their recovery from codependence. I love this book so much! It's a step by step process that is easy to comprehend. You can work with a group of recovering person or use it in conjunction with your therapy. The one thing that I can say that will help you the most while working in this book is, be gentle with yourself! This process is long and arduous, but worth it, because you are worth it. 

Topic Tuesday: The Love Avoidant

I often talk to clients and those in recovery about love addiction, but rarely do I have the experience of discussing the ins and outs of "the love avoidant" which can play a significant role in love addiction.

A person who is a love avoidant typically enters relationships to take on the "caretaker" role. This person is fueled with compulsive desires to engulf the relationship with his/her caretaking abilities. It's nice to have a partner that is invested in taking care of you, but when the caretaker becomes resentful for the amount of work he/she is doing, that's when the problems begin to emerge.

The love avoidant will begin to hide behind walls and essentially distances him/herself from the relationship. The resentment is so strong that if he/she stayed connected it would only cause additional tension and chaos.

The typical cycle of the love avoidant looks like this:

1. Love Avoidant gets involved in a relationship, which may or may not be what he/she wants. There is a caretaker value system that is ingrained in the love avoidant, so if he/she says "No" to entering the relationship he/she will feel guilty. So he/she enters to avoid guilt feelings. 
2. Love Avoidant begins to hide behind walls of seduction to prevent the partner, usually the love addict, from noticing the wall is more like seclusion. Being in the relationship makes the love avoidant feel controlled and suffocated. 
3. Love Avoidant becomes overwhelmed with the suffocated feelings and begins to build resentment toward the partner. 
4. Love Avoidant distances him/herself from the relationship and most often takes a "victim" stance. 
5. Love Avoidant looks outside of him/herself to feel more alive and gets involved in intense processes. 
6. Love Avoidant may begin to feel guilty for being distanced from his/her partner so the cycle either restarts or the love avoidant gets a new partner for a fresh start of the addictive process. 

Sound exhausting? It is for both the love avoidant and the love addict. These two most often have significant trauma histories that developed these blueprints for behaving. 

Questions to Consider

1. Have you thought about your relationship in this way?

2. If this is your situation, what will you do next?

3. How can your recovery support be helpful to you now?

Check out Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody for more info on love addiction and love avoidance. 

Take care everyone. Stay safe, sane, and sober!

Sincerely, 

Weekend Retreat

Welcome to the weekend!! I have some books for you. Alright, so after this post you may now refer to me as Pia Mellody's biggest fan! I just have to let you know about the best book I have ever read about codependence: Facing Codependence! I credit this book and author with getting me on the path to recovery.

It all started when my sponsor recommended it. I told myself that I wasn't a book reader so why bother, but I am glad I didn't listen to that negative internal voice. Of course I am a book reader. Hell, I am even a book writer.

I started down the journey of reading Facing Codependence and it was hard! The material was so true to my core that it was so difficult to stomach at times. Pia Mellody truly captures that essence of what codependence is, where it comes from, how it can destroy lives, and most importantly, how to recover from it. She highlights topics including setting functional boundaries, self esteem, family of origin, and much more!

After completing the book and reviewing the companion workbook, Breaking Free, I started a six month therapeutic treatment group at my counseling practice using the tools that Pia laid out. Phenomenal success! I know that these two resources will give you what you need on your journey.

Enjoy your weekend!

Sincerely,

Weekend Retreat

Welcome to the weekend! We are dedicated to bringing you important posts throughout the week. On the weekends, most of us get time to relax and enjoy our family and friends. I hope that is the case for you as well.

Weekend Retreat will bring you a new movie, book, or other related media that is pertinent to your recovery journey.  The goal is to have options for the weekend so you can stay focused on your recovery goals.

Recovery is 24/7 and we want to help you stay focused and sober from all your addictive behaviors. We are always open to suggestions for different media to present so leave a comment and let us know what your needs and wants are. Thank you!

In this revised and updated version of Facing Love Addiction, bestselling author of Facing Codependence and internationally recognized dependence and addiction authority Pia Mellody unravels the intricate dynamics of unhealthy love relationships and shows us how to let go of toxic love. Through twelve-step work, exercises, and journal-keeping, Facing Love Addiction compassionately and realistically outlines the recovery process for Love Addicts, and Mellody’s fresh perspective and clear methods work to comfort and motivate all those looking to establish and maintain healthy, happy relationships.  

Facing Love Addiction ranks #8 on Amazon's best seller list of books on codependency. I have used this book in my counseling practice as a tool for clients to work through issues of codependence and love addiction. Pia's work is inspirational, thought provoking, and uplifting. It provides readers with hope for a new day.

The journal exercises allow for thorough exploration into your own addictive behaviors around relationships and love. Grammy Award winning Alanis Morisette discusses love addiction and Pia Mellody in this video. 

I think anyone, including celebrities, can benefit from reading this book. Take a look for yourself and let us know in the comments what your experience was with Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody.