Step One: The Power of Attending Meetings & Prayer

Battling addictions can be an exhaustive process that can leave you feeling hopeless and scared. The power of the programs of Alcoholics Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, etc., provides hope and encouragement.  

Attending meetings may be scary at first, but once you sit down and listen to others share their courage, strength, and hope, you will come to see that you are not alone. Recovery doesn't have to be an isolative process.  

Opening up about your experience brings a sense of belonging among group members. Often times, group members meet afterwards for Fellowship at a local coffee shop or diner. Here, you can talk about who you are, where you're from, where you want to go, anything! Building connections with others opens new, healthier avenues. You will learn what it means to be a part of a community that is loving and forgiving. That's something that addicts don't always know is available.  

You may also find solace in prayer. Some may believe that "God" or "Higher Power" doesn't really exist or want to help, but that's the addict controlling the situation. You get to decide what type of relationship you have with a power greater than yourself. Till then, look to the Serenity Prayer or First Step Prayer for guidance.  

Serenity Prayer

God (Higher Power), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.  

First Step Prayer 

Today, I ask for help with my addiction. Denial has kept me from seeing how powerless I am and how my life is  unmanageable. I need to learn and remember that I have an incurable illness and that abstinence is the only way to deal with it. 

Sincerely, 

Topic Tuesday: Codependence

Codependence is a deeply rooted, compulsive behavior that is born out of a less than nurturing or abusive environment in childhood. A child’s emotional development may be stunted due to the lack of nurturance, love, guidance, support, and direction that his/her parents are supposed to impart on the child’s life.

As a result of growing up in this environment, a child develops into an adult who may display some or all of the characteristics outlined below. Codependents:

•         may not be aware of how they feel.
•         tend to fear and/or worry how others may respond to their feelings.
•        are not aware of their needs and wants.
•         have difficulty having fun.
•         judge themselves and/or others harshly.
•         are terrified of being left or abandoned
•         over react to changes over which we do not have any control.
•         are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
•        freely offer advice to others without being asked.

The major characteristics of codependence fall into four categories: control, compliance, low self-esteem, and denial. The fellowship of Codependents Anonymous has a self-evaluation tool. Talk with a therapist or attend a CoDA meeting for a safe place to explore your codependence.

Here is the link to the fellowship of Co-Dependents Anonymous.

Sincerely,

Tool: Meetings

I always hesitated when it came to attending 12 Step meetings. I was afraid of being judged, laughed at, or shamed because I couldn't figure my life out. I made up in my mind that going to a meeting was a scary endeavor. Boy, was I wrong!

Anonymous group meetings have been happening for over 70 years. That's a lot of meetings. I am grateful for the opportunity to attend meetings today. New comers and old-timers alike will all have varying experiences when it comes to attending a meeting. 

There are so many options to choose from. You may attend an all men or all women group. You can attend groups focused on studying the Big Book of their respective fellowship. There are even groups for those of us that identify as gay, lesbian, etc. Some meetings are "Open", which means that anyone can attend. "Closed" meetings imply that the people attended need to identify as needing the meeting. Outside observers are asked to only attend "Open" meetings. 

A meeting exists if you want it. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be face to face. Over the last few years, meetings online have cropped up. Some fellowships even offer Skype meetings. I once attended a phone meeting. It was set up exactly like a face to face meeting. 

The traditional meeting format may look similar to this outline:

1. Welcome by meeting leader
2. Everyone that wants to introduces themselves...."Hi, I'm____ and I am a_____."
3. Literature of the program is read
4. Meeting open for sharing 
5. Close with the Serenity Prayer
6. Fellowship (gathering of members outside of the meeting to chat, have tea, etc.)

I ran a meeting for 8 months for the fellowship of Co-Dependents Anonymous. It was an amazing experience. Being in a meeting allows me the freedom to speak my truth without judgment, shame, or harm. I have always felt safe in a meeting. 

If you are ready to attend a meeting but are fearful about what the experience may look like, I would recommend finding an "Open" meeting, which means anyone can attend. Ask a friend or support person to go with you. He or she doesn't have to participate, but you can have someone in the room that you know and can feel comfortable with. Be patient with yourself. You will know when you are ready. 

Here are some links to 12 Step fellowships: AA, NA, SLAA, CoDA, GA

Sincerely,