Topic Tuesday: Sex & Love Addiction

Like codependence, sex and love addiction is a process addiction. Sex and love are primitive concepts that are natural and normal. A person may be considered a “sex and love addict” if he or she uses sex, love, and/or relationships as tools to escape painful feelings or augment pleasure. These behaviors become addictive in nature: powerlessness and unmanageability spread throughout.  A sex and love addict may be a person who engages in:

•        compulsive masturbation
•         obsessive porn viewing
•         anonymous sex
•         emotional dependency on another
•         obsessive fantasy

As a recovering sex and love addict, I can say that the process of uncovering all the behaviors I was powerless over was shocking and mind numbing. I had recognized early on that my life seemed somewhat unmanageable, but with new information I learned from my sponsor in CoDA and my therapist, I became willing to see how dysfunctional my life truly was.

I found help in the rooms of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Here, I was able to sit amongst fellow sex and love addicts and it was as if they all had my life. I wasn’t unique. After my first meeting I sat down and took a 40 question self-assessment and my life changed forever and for the better. 

I got a clear picture of my life and my struggles. I also recognized that I could recover. I just had to do the work. I am grateful for the program of SLAA and CoDA. They helped save my life. I hope you find what you are needing in this moment.

Check out the fellowship of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.

Sincerely, 

Topic Tuesday: Codependence

Codependence is a deeply rooted, compulsive behavior that is born out of a less than nurturing or abusive environment in childhood. A child’s emotional development may be stunted due to the lack of nurturance, love, guidance, support, and direction that his/her parents are supposed to impart on the child’s life.

As a result of growing up in this environment, a child develops into an adult who may display some or all of the characteristics outlined below. Codependents:

•         may not be aware of how they feel.
•         tend to fear and/or worry how others may respond to their feelings.
•        are not aware of their needs and wants.
•         have difficulty having fun.
•         judge themselves and/or others harshly.
•         are terrified of being left or abandoned
•         over react to changes over which we do not have any control.
•         are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
•        freely offer advice to others without being asked.

The major characteristics of codependence fall into four categories: control, compliance, low self-esteem, and denial. The fellowship of Codependents Anonymous has a self-evaluation tool. Talk with a therapist or attend a CoDA meeting for a safe place to explore your codependence.

Here is the link to the fellowship of Co-Dependents Anonymous.

Sincerely,