Step Three

We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him 
- A.A. Big Book p.63 

 I wanted to focus on Step Three in greater detail because it is very important Step in my opinion. Step Three calls for those of us in recovery  to: 

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God

This is one of the most challenging Steps. What does "Made a decision" mean in this Step?

I think we have to explore our histories a bit. In our "acting out" behaviors, we made a lot of decisions that may or may not been detrimental to ourselves, or another. We believed that we were in control when the time came to decide how we would "act out", whether it is with drugs, sex, porn, alcohol, or food. 

Most often, we were not in control. Our "addict" mind was in control. We didn't make a decision then, but we can now. Step Three allows for the opportunity to make a conscious decision "to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God" because we need to. Our addict had already been in control and screwed up our lives; what about a fresh start by believing our Higher Power or God could do something different?

The word “God” often throws people off from the Twelve Steps. Why is that? Some believe that “God” is focused on religion. Most of us have had negative experiences with religion. The Twelve Step philosophy isn’t religion; its spiritual. And the best part about Step Three is that you get understand “God” on your own terms!

Now, that’s a relief. I don’t have to believe what the right-winged have to say about God. I don’t have to believe what my family says about God. I don’t have to believe what society believes about God. I get to decide what God means to me. When it was thoroughly explained to me by those in the program, I rejoiced because I could stop living out other people’s stuff and focus on myself. I was grateful!

Step Three also requires us to let go of control. Many of us exert control in order to stay safe. 

“Let go and let God.”

What comes up for you around letting go of control? 

Stay safe, sane, and sober.

Sincerely,

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Tool: Higher Power

I searched online to get a sense of what the Internet has on "Higher Power" and I found a Wikipedia article that says, "In current twelve-step program usage a higher power can be anything at all that the member believes is adequate. Reported examples include their twelve-step group, Nature, consciousness, existential freedom, God, science, Buddha. It is frequently stipulated that as long as a higher power is "greater" than the individual, then the only condition is that it should also be loving and caring."

A belief in a power greater than ourselves is fundamental in 12 Step recovery. It is also one of the most controversial topics for new members. In my experience, new comers are weary of the concept of a "Higher Power" because their first belief stems from their own beliefs about religion. Some believe that "Higher Power" is a religious concept, but in fact it is a spiritual concept. Having a belief in a "Higher Power" is not a belief in a religion. 

When joining the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous, I believed that I couldn't get anything from the program because it required that I buy into Step Three:

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God."

At the time, I didn't understand God! In fact, I grew up angry with God because of all the chaos that ensued my childhood. I didn't believe any God would love me, so why would I believe the program would accept me. My view of spirituality, God, and a loving Higher Power was skewed. It took attending meetings and meeting with a sponsor to get clarity.

I learned that Higher Power or God was not my parent's or family's view of God, but my own. I could envision a loving, caring, protective Higher Power as the one that I would turn my will and life over to. This was not easy by any means. I struggled for many months. My sponsor encouraged me to be open minded. I didn't need rush my process. I needed to accept that in order to receive all the benefits of the program, I had to believe in something greater than myself and of my family.

I started to believe that I obviously couldn't be my own Higher Power. I had thought I ran the show of my life but consequentially my life was unmanageable and I was powerless of my addiction. I didn't believe that my family's God was loving or forgiving so I stayed far away from their ideal. If all else had failed, why not try something new---so I did.

Like the Wikipedia article referenced, a "Higher Power" can be nature, a 12 Step group, or science! I connected with animals. I have always been intrigued by the power of the white tiger. Since I was a kid, I have seen all tigers as majestic, loving beings. And they are greater than myself. I have seen tigers love and protect their young on documentaries and visits to the zoo. I figured---why not believe that Higher Power has been present in my life in the form of tigers--my most beloved animal in the entire world.

The one thing that I want you to clearly get is this: a loving and caring Higher Power has to be greater than yourself and of your parents. Your parents may tried to play the role of your Higher Power--leading you to believe they were all knowing and infallible, but that's just not true. They are just like you: perfectly imperfect and that's okay. Find something you can connect with and believe in the process of recovery.

Learn more about Higher Power with these articles:

"A Higher Power for Atheists and Agnostics" by Roger Bissell http://www.rogerbissell.com/id11mm.html

"Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" http://www.bahaistudies.net/asma/12and12.pdf

"Sober For Thirty Years" by Jim Burwell http://www.barefootsworld.net/aaburwell30.html

Sincerely,

Topic Tuesday: The 12 Steps of Recovery

The 12 Steps are the foundation of all anonymous programs. As summarized by the American Psychological Association, the process involves the following:

* admitting that one cannot control one’s addiction or compulsion;
* recognizing a higher power that can give strength;
* examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member);
* making amends for these errors;
* learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior;
* helping others that suffer from the same addictions or compulsions

The Steps were pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous in 1935 and adopted by other fellowships including Codependents Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, and Gamblers Anonymous.

Click the links for more information.

* Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.
* Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
* Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
* Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
* Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
* Step 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
* Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
* Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
* Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
* Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
* Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I have been working the steps for some time now and I have to say that I do not believe I would be sober from my addictions without the program. The 12 Steps have provided guidance, support, and structure. It has been a worthwhile process to learn about the benefits of a spiritual program. I have developed a relationship with a power greater than myself and I feel safe.

I hope that you will take a look at The 12 Steps and find the courage, strength, and hope that I found by working the steps. Good luck. “It works if you work it.”

Sincerely,