Wisdom Wednesday

"I am aware of my recovery progress."-Anonymous

Awareness is a gift in recovery. Having awareness of your progress provides hopes for a brighter future. Spend time thinking about all the things you are doing that are healthy and positive. Recovery is a process, not an event. Be aware of the process and enjoy it. 

Sincerely, 

Topic Tuesday: The 12 Steps of Recovery

The 12 Steps are the foundation of all anonymous programs. As summarized by the American Psychological Association, the process involves the following:

* admitting that one cannot control one’s addiction or compulsion;
* recognizing a higher power that can give strength;
* examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member);
* making amends for these errors;
* learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior;
* helping others that suffer from the same addictions or compulsions

The Steps were pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous in 1935 and adopted by other fellowships including Codependents Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, and Gamblers Anonymous.

Click the links for more information.

* Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.
* Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
* Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
* Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
* Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
* Step 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
* Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
* Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
* Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
* Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
* Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I have been working the steps for some time now and I have to say that I do not believe I would be sober from my addictions without the program. The 12 Steps have provided guidance, support, and structure. It has been a worthwhile process to learn about the benefits of a spiritual program. I have developed a relationship with a power greater than myself and I feel safe.

I hope that you will take a look at The 12 Steps and find the courage, strength, and hope that I found by working the steps. Good luck. “It works if you work it.”

Sincerely,

Step One: The Facts

Step One: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction-that our lives had become unmanageable.

In the rooms of recovery, I have often heard "The Steps are the Steps" meaning that The 12 Steps, pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous, can be applied to any addictive process that one may be experiencing difficulty over.

Step One is our gateway to freedom. In this step, we have come to the conclusion that whatever our addiction is (alcohol, sex, drugs, relationships, shopping, masturbation, etc) we no longer have the ability to control ourselves. The substance or process has control over us. As a result of that control, our lives have spun out and are no longer manageable.

For today, ask yourself about your own addictive process.

1. What substances and/or processes do I feel no control over?
2. What consequences have I suffered?
3. Am I ready to admit that my life has become unmanageable?

Sincerely,

A History Lesson

I called my mother today, who lives in Georgia, to inquire about a medical issue I had as a kid. I was curious to see if she could provide some additional information that I may have forgotten or didn't know. Unfortunately, I am dealing with that issue again as an adult.

My mother and I have had a tumultuous past, but being in recovery has taught me to forgive and move forward. I believe my Higher Power guided me to making the phone call. I didn't pre-judge her or assume that she wouldn't know anything about my medical history, based on our history. This was definitely new, healthier behavior for me.

I took the chance and called. She was sleep. She told me she would call back and she did. I was grateful she kept her word. I told her thanks for calling back and then I began with my inquiry.

My ears and my heart almost shutdown after I was told that I didn't have the particular medical issue when I was a child but much later in my life as a teen. I was floored and hurt. Had she rewritten history? Had I not suffered like I so clearly remember? Was she even present back then?

In that moment, I breathed. I managed to stay composed and gave her my recollection of the past and she disagreed. I didn't fight back.

Recovery has taught me that I don't need to cross my side of the street to tell someone else that he or she is wrong. I can accept their truth and my own.

I was sad. I immediately texted my sponsor to tell him how I was feeling. I didn't need to hide my feelings. I didn't need to keep everything bottled up and explode later.

I allowed my higher power to guide me and I ended up here, writing and sharing my truth with all of you. 

In your past or present, you may find that someone may recall events differently. It can be frustrating, maddening, or make you sad. It's alright. Your feelings are valid. We can't make other people see what we see. We have to continue loving and believing in who we are. We are now responsible for what happens next.

Recovery is the way. I wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut two years ago. I would have hurt my mom and myself by lashing out. It's just not worth it. Remember whose side of the street you are on before you say one more word.

Be good to yourselves.

Sincerely,

DJ Burr

I Just Wanted Love

Hi and thank you for joining me on the recovery journey. I wanted to give you more insight into who I am and why I am writing this blog. Here's a snippet of my story:


Every human being comes into the world wanting to be loved. Without love, we are left with heartache, pain, grief, regret, shame and guilt. This is not how I wanted to live my life.
At 26, I set out on a journey to help others as a licensed psychotherapist. I set up shop in Seattle and attempted to do the best work I could possibly do. I wanted to help heal others of heartache, pain, grief, regret, shame and guilt. It was a challenge that I wanted to overcome. “How will I do this?” I often pondered. I hadn’t yet healed my own wounds.

Trying to be present for other people’s issues was the most challenging effort of my life. I was not only a therapist but a teacher. My clients looked to me for education, guidance, and reassurance that life wouldn’t always be so cruel. I couldn’t offer much reassurance, but I could offer one thing: I would be present as long as they showed up and did the work. And they did…

As my clients were showing up and my practice was starting to take off, I felt this nagging sensation buried deep inside. I still didn’t feel like I was loved. This was a deeply rooted feeling that I couldn’t shake. As I tried to fight it so I could stay present for my clients, I sunk into an abyss of shame.
The shame told me that “I am not good enough”, “I don’t deserve to be loved”, “and I will be a failure in this business”. Fuck! How was I supposed to manage now?

For the last three years I have been trying to figure it all out. I hit bottom and realized that I didn’t love myself. That was what I was missing. I had no earthly idea how to genuinely love myself. With the guidance of a therapist I ventured into a space of self-discovery.

I came to understand that several of my negative thoughts and behaviors were caught up in an addictive cycle. I am codependent. In the past, I placed my value dependent on what other people thought about me. Well, I was raised in a less than nurturing and sometimes abusive household so I grew up believing that I am “worthless”, “Only good for taking care of others”, and “Never going to be loved”.

I spent 29 years of my life caught up in other people, places, and things that were distracting me from my goals of finding love and happiness. The shame that was deep seated kept me believing that I would never, ever be loved, by anyone.

It was all bullshit. The shame is false. I am worthy of love. I found out I was lovable, loving, and loved by trusting in the power of 12 Step meetings. I found a community that accepted me for all my humanely traits, including my flaws. I found a sponsor that guides me on a journey of self-discovery that is natural, loving, and healing.

Through my own work, I have been able to truly be present at my practice. I now help others find out who they are and determine who they want to be. No fairytales here, just real life work by real people wanting to be loved.

I chronicled my life and journey to healing in my latest book, I JUST WANTED LOVE: RECOVERY OF A CODEPENDENT, SEX AND LOVE ADDICT, which will be out in 2014. Let me help you find the love you have for yourself so you can find the love of another.

As far as ABLE Life, I want to share the tools and resources that I use everyday. I am always opened to feedback. Let me know what you think! Thank you for joining me.

Sincerely,

Weekend Retreat

Welcome to the weekend! We are dedicated to bringing you important posts throughout the week. On the weekends, most of us get time to relax and enjoy our family and friends. I hope that is the case for you as well.

Weekend Retreat will bring you a new movie, book, or other related media that is pertinent to your recovery journey.  The goal is to have options for the weekend so you can stay focused on your recovery goals.

Recovery is 24/7 and we want to help you stay focused and sober from all your addictive behaviors. We are always open to suggestions for different media to present so leave a comment and let us know what your needs and wants are. Thank you!

In this revised and updated version of Facing Love Addiction, bestselling author of Facing Codependence and internationally recognized dependence and addiction authority Pia Mellody unravels the intricate dynamics of unhealthy love relationships and shows us how to let go of toxic love. Through twelve-step work, exercises, and journal-keeping, Facing Love Addiction compassionately and realistically outlines the recovery process for Love Addicts, and Mellody’s fresh perspective and clear methods work to comfort and motivate all those looking to establish and maintain healthy, happy relationships.  

Facing Love Addiction ranks #8 on Amazon's best seller list of books on codependency. I have used this book in my counseling practice as a tool for clients to work through issues of codependence and love addiction. Pia's work is inspirational, thought provoking, and uplifting. It provides readers with hope for a new day.

The journal exercises allow for thorough exploration into your own addictive behaviors around relationships and love. Grammy Award winning Alanis Morisette discusses love addiction and Pia Mellody in this video. 

I think anyone, including celebrities, can benefit from reading this book. Take a look for yourself and let us know in the comments what your experience was with Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody.

Tool: Meditation

Today, we have a special guest post from a reader and fan of ABLE Life. He is providing us his experience with the practice of meditation. Please welcome R.H.

Eighteen months ago, I entered recovery kicking and screaming.  With the emotional force of atomic explosion, my world had fallen completely apart six months before that.  Along with a very long list of unfortunate character traits,  I have been blessed with the gifts of curiosity and a ‘can-do’ attitude.  I focused my full attention and explored every idea I came in contact with to salvage the pieces of my life in the hopes I could eventually glue them back together.  12-step programs and meditation hit my radar screen within the same month.  I dove into both.

I had only vaguely heard of meditation before then.  I had no clue as to its objective nor how to ‘do it’.  My initial guidance was from an unassuming man who invited me to mediate with him and a few other quiet people whose names and faces are lost to me now.  He provided me with less than five minutes of training before we sat for my first time.  Half-hour later the group got up and walked away.  The man didn’t say a thing to me, except that he would be meditating there again that evening.  He gave no indication he was expecting a response.

I felt befuddled as I walked away from my first session.  I was expecting to be asked about my time sitting.  I expected to be counseled, corrected, judged.  I expected to feel uncomfortable to see the others talking afterward, knowing that I wanted to be invisible and neither engage in chat nor slip noticeably away.  I felt a strange relief that there was no after meditation interaction.  I reflected on my experience.  It didn’t hurt.  I didn’t feel shame. I didn’t feel tired.  In fact I didn’t really feel anything.  Just a vague calmness that dissipated several minutes later when I picked up the activities of my day again.

I returned that evening.  Then again the next day twice more.  And the next.  And the next for several weeks until the universe dissolved the group.  After some sits I felt frustrated, after some I felt angry, but mostly I felt an unusual calm that was fleeting but peaceful.  And this was a huge contrast to the rest of my recovery work, where I generally felt like I was doing hard work.

Eighteen months later I am still meditating.  Not in a structured way or to a timetable.  I tried that but I soon began to feel stressed and like I was failing.  And my meditation has somehow led me to explore other new things in my life – like the philosophy of Buddhism, for example.  Things that are helping me glue back those pieces of my shattered life.  And most curiously of all, I am gluing them back in new, much healthier way.  For me, that’s what recovery is.---R.H.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! What a powerful, well-written, exploration into the recovery tool of meditation. If you haven't added meditation to your practice, now is the time. The universe keeps us busy, but we have to make the time to pause, relax, and enjoy the silence. Mediation is something that I am working on myself. Let's all give it a try in the New Year. 

Sincerely,